Ellen Kirschman, Ph.D.

Table of Contents
Introduction
1. Beepers in Your Bedroom: The Givens and Realities of the Fire Service
2. Spillover: Managing the Relationship between Home and Work
3. Profiles: The Fire Fighter Personality
4. Climbing the Career Ladder: From Recruitment to Retirement
5. Emergency Medical Services: False Alarms and Frequent Fliers
6. Organizational Stress: Fractures in the Fire Service
7. Diversity
8. Injuries and Fatalities
9. Fitness, Health, and Safety
10. Trauma and Stress
11. Treating Traumatic Stress: Help for Individuals and Families
12. Fire Fighters in Hot Water: Alcoholism, Arson, Infidelity, and Divorce
13. Fire Fighting Couples
14. Getting Help
Epilogue
Resources
References

Patterned on the outstanding success of I Love a Cop, this is the first book of its kind written exclusively for fire fighters and their families. Challenging two-dimensional stereotypes, Dr. Ellen Kirschman portrays fire fighters as they really are: complex men and women doing one of the world's toughest jobs and trying to fit comfortably into two families -- the one at the firehouse and the one at home. I Love a Fire Fighter takes us on a journey from stationhouse banter to four-alarm blaze, from a harrowing ride with paramedics to a family dealing with shift work. Along the way, Dr. Kirschman addresses occupational health and safety issues along with domestic concerns including unpredictable schedules, lack of communication, and anxiety. Vivid anecdotes and practical tips show families how they can pull together when job stress threatens to spill over onto home turf, and shed light on what spouses and partners can do to help themselves, their mates, and their children live with the "best job in the world."

Readers' Reviews
"I am absolutely thrilled with your writing style and the incredible content....Your coverage of everything from fire house pranks to diversity is both objective and thought provoking. I am thoroughly
impressed." Susan Farren, author of "The Fireman's Wife: A memoir".

"Thank you for your words...Every chapter I read I had to reread sometimes two and three times - there was my voice in print. Everything I wanted to be heard about on paper in front of me...I would actually start crying. To read the next chapter meant there was my exact world unfolding before me and I could not hide or pretend it didn't exist...Thank you for giving me the voice I needed to make him understand our side of it as well as letting me understand his side. K.P., Missouri.

"A friend of mine introduced me to "I Love a Firefighter" and I have begun reading it. It's AMAZING!!! So far I've laughed, I've cried, I've felt honored, and I'm only in the first half of the book. I have already recommended it to many of my friends, co-workers and acquaintances. When I get done with this book I want to read your other book, "I Love a Cop." C.A Nebraska

"Thank you for this book and most of all for your time.... I had to tell you how much your book has helped me. I may have given up and not married the most wonderful man I know if I hadn't read your book and had a better understanding of firefighters and firefighting. Thank you is simply not enough." L.C. Illinois

"I have been using your great book in my work as a therapist for our county fire brigade. It has been an invaluable read..." S.M.

"I just wanted to thank you for writing this wonderful [book]....You couldn't have hit the nail on the head any better!...I found myself laughing, crying and nodding at many of the things you wrote. [The book gave me] solace to know that I'm not the only one who deals with missed vacations,dinners, birthdays and anniversaries....I know this book will become a 'guide' to me and my soon-to-be-husband for the interesting, confusing, and hair pulling times in our life. C.N.

"I can not say enough about this book to friends
and family. You are so right on target. I have been
dating a Firefighter/Paramedic and I wish I had
this book when we first met. It would have saved
a lot of headache and anxiety. I felt very encouraged by your book to get involved in family/spousal support. Thank you for your straight-forward, honest, and 'real' book. It has helped so much. Please keep writing and sharing!" C.R.

"I just wanted to thank you for writing this....You couldn't have hit the nail on the head any better!....I found myself laughing, crying and nodding at the things you wrote....it is solace [to know] that I am not the only one who deals with missed vacations, dinners, birthdays, or anniversaries....I know this book will become a guide for me [and my soon-to-be-husband] through the interesting, confusing and hair pulling times in our life." C.N.

"An awesome book. A great read for all fire fighters' wives." bkfdwife.com

"I can't tell you how many times I laughed and teared up reading this book. It's insightful and helpful...just to hear that someone else knows, has a suggestions [and] understands makes all the difference." Kari C., Founder Firefighterwives.com

"The book is great. Even though I finished it I'm pretty sure I'm going to keep it on my nightstand for future reference. I feel informed about how to effectively resolve potential problems that could arise in the future. I enjoyed the many stories about firefighters, their families and their real-life problems. My husband read it too so  I can say, 'remember what happened to so and so in the book?'  I may be rereading parts of this book for years to come.  Thank you for such a great guide. I will be recommending this to wives and families in our county." Jennifer Spear, firefighter's wife.

"An experienced psychologist's unique insight helps famiies cope with the built-in tension and daily stress of a fire service job...career or volunteer. She shows loved ones how to live in harmony with the firehouse...She particularly addresses the reticence that most firefighters have about sharing the more difficult aspects of their job and offers ways that firefighters can expand their willingness to talk to their families. At the same time she helps families allay their fears...and develop thicker skin....Her examples are very realistic and easy to understand and she never resorts to pop psychology or psychobabble. A few chiefs have recommended that this be mandatory reading for every firefighter and his/her family. I definitely agree." Firefightersbookstore.com


"Dr. Ellen would be most welcome in my firehouse anytime. She has a keen overall sense of both firefighting and the firefighter. Just as it is not easy to be a firefighter, it is not easy to be a part of the firefighter's family either, for the dangers, the issues, and the culture that comes with working in a firehouse are different from the normal workplace. Dr. Ellen brings the reader to a solid understanding of these differences, and how to adjust to them. It is more than an advice book; it is a usable guide with lists of important and helpful organizations to support firefighters. "I Love a Fire Fighter" is a great gift to pass around the family, and also around the firehouse, for it is meant to bring people closer together. And, I can tell you that it succeeds."--Dennis Smith, firefighter (ret.), author, and founder of Firehouse Magazine.

The Peer Support Team is providing each station with a copy of "I Love A Fire Fighter"....Dr. Kirschman has gathered powerful stories from veterans, new recruits, and family members in dozens of career and volunteer departments across the country in this straight-talking guide to the major personal, professional, and family issues that fire fighters face. She discusses how to function and stay on task in crisis situations;how shift work and unpredictable schedules can affect marriage and parenting; the psychological side of recovery form injury and trauma, how to recognize when alcohol becomes a problem plus frank advice and practical coping tips. Peer Support Team, Bellevue (Washington) FD.



"...Being....an emergency responder frequently means that family and social events take a backseat to responding to emergencies, as well as....shift work, training, continuing education and “the schedule,” whether paid or volunteer....Kirschman doesn’t just identify the problems of an emergency responder’s family, she also recommends some good strategies to address [them]... and adds valuable suggestions.... based on her own experience. This is a useful book that I wish I’d had when I first started in the business." Norm Rooker, emsresponder.com.

"Dr. Kirschman's book is a masterful integration of the challenges faced by firefighter families and the solutions first-responder families can develop to meet these challenges. Her personal and professional experience makes this essential reading for all those in the firefighter's support network."--Janet L. Bachant, PhD, Founder and President, New York Disaster Counseling Coalition

"Dr. Ellen Kirschman has done it again. Just as I Love a Cop did for police families, this in-depth book brings the world of firefighting to life. Dr. Kirschman provides unique advice about relationships and family life for those who protect our safety and those who love them. A 'must-read' for firefighter families!"--John M. Violanti, PhD, School of Public Health and Health Professions, University at Buffalo SUNY

"We often hear the term 'fire family,' but until now, no one has ever stopped to examine in depth what that term really means. Dr. Kirschman offers a unique perspective on the inner workings of the fire service culture and how it affects our personal relationships. This book should be mandatory reading for everyone entering the profession, for those responsible for leading contemporary fire departments, and for chaplains and other helping professionals. Insightful, intense, and immensely valuable."--Fire Chief Ronny J. Coleman, MA, FIFireE, CFOD

"Finally, a book that offers the inside story on the highs and lows of life in the fire service. If you love a fire fighter--or are one yourself--I highly recommend this book."--S. Joseph Woodall, PhD, Retired Fire Department Captain/Recruit Training Officer and nationally certified counselor

"Important and insightful information about the successes and struggles that challenge fire fighters and their families."
-Lynn A., wife of a fire fighter

"I wish I had had this book 30 years ago when my husband joined the force! It captures what you go through, from rookie to chief. A 'must read' for fire fighters and their families."
-Judy G., wife of a fire fighter

"...I Love a Fire Fighter" conveys its messages clearly and well, and provides a very welcome resurce for the fire service. Every fire recruit should give a copy to his or her family on the first day of training." -- FireWork. V. XXIII#1, January 2005.

"...a must read for supervisors and administrators of fire and emergency services, both volunteer and career....an important book for psychologists rendering services to fire personel, their families and organizations...a valuable resource for families..."--
Newsletter, Atlantic OccuPsych, January 2005.