Ellen Kirschman, Ph.D.

Table of Contents
I. Hi Honey, I'm Home
1. The Way It Is: Givens and Realities of Policework
2. The Police Officer's Paradox
3. Growing Old in a Young Person's Profession: How Officers Change With Time
4. Organizational Stress: Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places
II. Remarkable Events
Trauma
5. Critical Incidents, Stress, and Trauma
6. From Victim to Survivor: Working Through Trauma
7. From Battlefront to Homefront: Families and Trauma
8. Kids and Trauma
Emotional Extremes
9. Domestic Abuse: The Best Kept Secret Shame of Policing
10. Alcohol Abuse and Suicide
11. Getting the Help You Need When You Need It
III. Special Families, Special Issues
12. Swimming Upstream: Special Challenges Facing Women, Minorities, Lesbians, and Gay Men in Law Enforcement
13. Cop Couples
IV. Summing Up
14. Success Stories
Resources
References

Look who's using "I Love a Cop"
Arizona DPS
Bethlehem PD (PA.)
Boston PD
Broward Cty. SO (Fla.)
Atlanta PD (GA.)
Twin Falls PD (ID.)
Gainesville PD (Tex.)
Hayward PD (CA.)
Livermore PD (CA.)
Palo Alto PD (CA.)
Petaluma PD (CA.)
Corvallis PD (Or.)
FBI Academy
Honolulu PD (HI.)
Iowa L.E. Academy
Michigan State Police
Missoula PD (MT.)
Montgomery Cty. (MD.)
Nashville PD (Tenn.)
Nebraska L.E. Academy
NYC Police Relief Fund
Rockville PD (MD)
R.C.M.P. (Canada)
Tulsa PD (OK.)
Redwood City PD (CA.)
Seattle PD (WA.)
South Carolina DPS
St. Louis PD (MO.)
Toronto PD (Canada)
Virginia Bch. PD (VA.)
Wooddale PD (IL.)

Will police work change the person you love? Are police marriages destined to fail? What are the chances of your loved one being killed in the line of duty? Separating fact from myth, Dr. Ellen Kirschman answers these and other critical questions in the first comprehensive self-help book created specifically for today's police families. In information-filled chapters, readers will go behind the scenes with other police families as they discuss the benefits and pitfalls of police work; learn how to manage the effects of organizational stress and the pressures of unpredictable schedules, long hours and loneliness; gain awareness of the emotional, physical, and behavioral warning signs which can lead to such extreme situations as posttraumatic stress, alcoholism, suicide and domestic violence; find out where families can go for help and counseling; and get an inside look at cop couples and the special challenges facing women, minorities, and gays and lesbians on the force.

"I Love a Cop" has sold more than 85,000 copies and is used by hundreds of police academies, spousal academies and departments around the country. It has been translated into Chinese.

Readers' Reviews
"Your book has helped all of us [in the wives' seminar] thru numerous times in our lives. [It] gave some of the new officers' wives (even reminded the seasoned wives) a head start...They will be able to remember and draw on that information as they need it. I find myself going back and re-reading chapters I skimmed before, because they did not apply at the time but now I need some insight about." N.S. 2008

"I Love a Cop was extremely insightful and helped me understand certain behaviors of my husband. I recommended it be given out to our Sheriff's Department Family Academy...now each class...receives a copy." A.R. 2008

"I am the wife of a disabled police officer...I purchased your book the year he had to retire hoping it would give me some insight...I wish your book had been available while he was in the academy. I found it extremely accurate and helpful. You have made a positive difference in many law enforcement lives...words cannot express how grateful I am." A.S. 2007

"I am a police officer and training instructor...I have read and recommended your book. [Now] I would like to make it available to each new officer and [his/her] spouse as part of a pre-deployment stress management curriculum." R.G. 2007

"I just finished reading 'I Love a Cop'. It has opened my eyes to the everyday pressure that law enforcement jobs create on people and their famiies....I wish I would have read your book months ago. Thank you for giving me a different outlook, a better understanding of my boyfriend's job, and [the courage] to not surrender my own identity." K.D. 2007

"...In 1977 I was a member of the first 'I Love a Cop' class. It was a great class and gave those who attended a better understanding of the stresses place on police families....fast forward to 2007 - I am now the proud mother of a [sheriff's deputy]. I just finished attending their family academy where we were given copies of your book....Thank you for continuing to provide advice to families of peace officers. It's a hard life...and everyone needs some advice from time to time. L.K. 2007

"I just wanted to say Thank you! for dedicating your life to this cause. I got the book in the mail today and have read several chapters; it's good to know I'm not the only one having these feelings!! I love being a cop's wife, but it does have its challenges. May God bless you as you continue your work!" 2007

" I am an officer and I read this book prior to getting on with my department and have picked it up numerous times in the past year. It is an AWESOME book! It has been my Bible!" 2007


"I accidentally found your book "I Love a Cop". It soon became my bible, and I quickly purchased more copies for our extended family, so they, too, would be able to understand...I am carrying your book everywhere with me these days...You are my guardian angel..." J.R. (2007)

"I just purchased I Love a Cop for my wife and I found myself reading it first. It has opened some doors and feelings that I had closed and let me know I was not alone....Thank you for opening my eyes. I have enjoyed reading your book and sharing the stories with my family so that they may understand what we go through and how we can help each other." C.C.

"I've been a police officer for six years. My wife stumbled across your book and invited me to read it with her. I declined [at first] because I knew everything. Ha! She offered again and I took her up on it. WOW!!!There are so many things you are right about. I really enjoyed reading it....Thanks for taking the time to publish such a great book." K.K.

"I've been using Ellen Kirschman's 'I Love A Cop' since its first printing. She may have written it with police families in mind, but it's indispensable for mystery writers, especially those of us 'civilians' who create characters in law enforcement." Camille Minichino, author of the periodic table mystery series.

"Thought you ought to know, I am still receiving many, many compliments from students in my community relations classes about your book. Both criminal justice and non-criminal justice students...all like the book. The bookstore [says] it is one of the few books they rarely buy back." Mike Grabowski, police officer (retired) and instructor, Santa Rosa College Administration of Justice Department.

"I was totally impressed...you have captured the true essence of the job...Your advice holds true for all those in high stress, high engagement, high devotion jobs. Thanks for your work. I have benefitted from it." Christopher H.

"I Love a Cop is 'must' reading for police recruits, police officers and their family members. Dr. Kirschman's grasp, understanding, and description of how police work provides unique challenges to the officer and the law enforcement family is grounded in years of experience helping police officers and their families through issues and problems commonly encountered in police work. She not only identifies law enforcement career problems, but also offers simple and practical ways to prevent or remedy potential adverse effects of police work on the officer and family."--Gary Kaufmann, PsyD, Chief Police Psychologist (ret.), Behavior Science Section, Michigan Department of State Police.

"I can't believe there is finally a training manual on how to survive in a law enforcement family. I wish this book had been available 20 years ago when I first started speaking to spouses about having a family member in law enforcement. This book is not only for the family, but for the officer as well. Reading this book could very well save a few police marriages, help the police officer and family cope through the various stages of the profession, as well as helping those planning on marrying into this calling know what is ahead. It would also be a tremendous help to those in law enforcement support groups as we struggle to understand the cop in our lives and be there for the new spouse or family member that doesn't yet understand. I feel this book is a must for the law enforcement officer as well as their family." --Karen Lippe, President, Grand Lodge Auxiliary, Fraternal Order of Police

"I consider reading Ellen Kirschman's I Love a Cop a necessary prerequisite for any clinician who comes into contact with those who work in law enforcement or their families. This should be required reading for all recruits and their families." --Lieutenant Al Benner, Ph.D., 30-year veteran, San Francisco Police Department

"This excellent book, packed with helpful information, and specific examples, is written for police families, and is also invaluable for mental health professionals working with them. Beautifully written and very absorbing to read, this book is focused on the psychological and emotional aspects of police work, and the ways in which these stresses impact family life. On every page Dr. Kirschman demonstrates a sensitive understanding of the men, women, and families involved in a public service career of almost overwhelming difficulty. I Love A Cop is a gift of inestimable value to the families themselves, and to the mental health professionals who are attempting to understand and help them." --Emily B. Visher, Ph.D. and John S. Visher, M.D., Cofounders, Stepfamily Association of America

"I Love A Cop should be required reading for all police recruits and their families. Dr. Kirschman has presented in a clear manner the issues facing police officers today - both on the job and at home. By openly discussing police family violence and the discrimination faced by women and minorities on the job, she has pushed aside the veil of secrecy that so often descends over these issues. And, best of all, she offers constructive steps that can be taken to lessen the impact of stress on police officers and their families." --Chief Penny Harrington, Director, National Center for Women and Policing

"Ellen has presented all the information I gathered in 21 years as a police officer's spouse. Now police spouses can have the advantage of knowing and understanding the stresses of police life before they experience it through the job. Living with a cop and not understanding what he or she goes through is like riding rapids down the Arkansas River without a raft. This book provides a life raft for police families to help them understand the profession. This book gives clear understanding of the police profession to help families cope with the toughest people job in the world. The law enforcement profession affords families a wonderful way of life, but it is a way of life and this book explains it all so well. Where were you Ellen Kirschman from 1970-1992? This book is long overdue!" --Suzie Sawyer, Executive Director, Concerns of Police Survivors.

"I Love A Cop is an impressive synthesis of relevant information within a context of empathic, experiential vignettes. Dr. Kirschman's book will be an invaluable tool for the Metro-Dade Police Department, both for training purposes with recruits and in-service officers, as well as a resource for my marital and couples patients."--Scott W. Allen, PhD, Staff Psychologist, Metro-Dade Police Department, Florida

"Not just theory, the stories she relates are drawn from the actual files of police psychologists from throughout the country. The entire book can be either read straight through from cover to cover or used as a handy manual by selecting specific chapters that apply to each individual's own specific problem or problems. ...easy-to-read. The book would make an excellent gift to any individual with a family member or loved one who is working in law enforcement. Highly recommended." --Fred R. Egloff, Law Enforcement Memorial Association, Spring '97.

"Dr Kirschman accurately and insightfully breaks down many of the hurdles and mysteries to surviving on the front lines. Police officers have been written about in droves, but this is the first book that is aimed at their families. Surviving the streets is one thing, surviving the home front is quite another, and it's about time someone wrote this." A. Haukaup